Is He too Old for Me to Date?

Hey T,

I love what you have here.  I stop by and read the occasional post.  Anyway, I have a question for you.  I’ve been single for a minute, and recently my friend tried to convince me to date outside of my comfort zone.  He said I have nothing to lose, and I agree. So I told him I would finally say yes to this associate of a friend I know, that has been trying to meet up with me for weeks now.  This guy and I were introduced at a house party.  The thing is, I’ve only recently found out that homeboy is 17 years older than me.  I’ve never dated anyone that much older before, and I’m kind of nervous about that.  I keep thinking that’s too old.  T, what do you think? Is 17 years too old?

Still a Youngin

Dear Still a Youngin,

Thanks for writing to me.  And thanks for letting me know you like my site.  It always feels good to hear or read some positive feedback about According to T, so again, thanks.  Now as far as your question, it’s a unique one for me to answer.

When I was really involved on the dating circuit, I actually preferred to talk to men that were a little older than me.  Back in the day, I found a grown man entering the peak of his sexiness extremely attractive.  I liked the few sprouts of gray in his beard, the matured rasp in his voice, and the full development of his body.  Plus, in most cases the extra years of life he lived made him interesting and a great conversationalist.  However, I never consciously dated anyone that was 17 years older than me.

Here’s the thing.  I liked older men, but I had a personal cutoff.  I couldn’t see myself dating anyone old enough to have been my father.  And since 12 is the average age male puberty hits, I usually stayed away from guys 12 years or older than me.   I know some people reading this may think this sounds silly, but here me out.  I once went out with a guy that was maybe 15 years my senior, and it just didn’t work.  He used his age as a justification for why his perspective was always right, and why he always knew best. One thing I hate, is someone trying to discredit my opinion based solely on my youth (or “son” me). Unless you’re my dad or someone I consider a parental figure, “because I said so” and “trust me I know better” won’t work with me.  Unfortunately, he couldn’t understand that.  From that one guy, my outlook on dating a certain level of older was skewed.

Now that’s just my isolated experience.  I’m in no way saying that will or won’t be your experience if you agree to meet up with this friend of a friend.  You may go on a date with this guy, and find him to be the best time you’ve ever had with a romantic prospect.  And somewhere down the line, you might find the myth that older men are better lovers to be true. LOL! Kidding!

Having said that, it’s perfectly find to pursue something with someone outside of your type.  Heck, if you’ve had bad experiences dating with what you think is your “type,” perhaps you don’t quite know your type, but know your fantasy.  If you don’t quite know the kind of man that’s best for you, that’s fine.  There are plenty of people who don’t.  It’s common for individuals to waste time chasing after the Idris Elbas of the world, instead of tapping into their being and figuring out who would realistically be compatible with them.  So you may want to say yes to this salt and pepper stranger.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Again, go on the date. Think of it as doing research for the sake of your love life.  You may find you like older men, and more specifically this guy. Besides, it’s just an hour or two out of your life.


  1. Don’t be too afraid to step out of your comfort zone. When you haven’t seen the success you would like to in your personal life trying the same old thing, try something new.

As always nothing but love,



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