I met this cool guy on Jack’d, and a few nights ago was the first time we went out. I was actually excited. When we were talking on Jack’d, I felt like we just clicked. But when we met up at the restaurant, I kept thinking I was catfished. The dude looked like the pictures he sent me, but he was so stiff and boring. The convos were stale, and I laughed only once. Who can be with someone that doesn’t make them laugh? After distancing myself from him since the date, he texted me and asked me when we were going out again. Because my dating season has been dry, I’m tempted to give him another try, just because of our past online convo. On the other hand, I don’t want to waste my time. What are your thoughts?
Dear Not Impressed,
Thanks for writing to me. It’s a bummer that you feel you got catfished. It’s one of those things that is bound to happen to everyone in this dating game. Heck, it’s definitely happened to me. When I was on dating sites, I remember coming across real cool personalities. We would vibe online, and talk about any and everything. They had me thinking I found a potential boo. Then I would meet them at a restaurant, there place, or a bar, and be disappointed. Like you, I was left to wonder who the heck I was talking to online.
Here’s the thing. In most incidents when this happens, the shell of the man you conversed with online has been replaced by nerves. Instead of relying on his personality that got you to agree to a date, he allows his anxiety about trying to impress you to take over. Which in turn, causes your potential bae to be a real life dud. Although we like to think everyone is a great dater, that simply isn’t true. More often than not, the opposite is the case.
Now there are some instances, when the guy who catfishes folks with his online personality, is just a creative individual. Remember being back in grade school in Language Arts classes, and the teacher told you to write a fictional story about anything you want? Well that’s what some people do on a day-to-day basis behind a glass screen. They create these fictionalized versions of themselves, and use this “character” to deceive folks such as yourself. As unfortunate as this is, it happens.
Suggestions going forward.
- If you think this guy just allowed nerves to get the best of him, then by all means, go on the second date. This time, try to do everything to help him to relax. You can do that by going to a restaurant that gives way to more privacy for diners. He may be willing to talk more if he is in a more intimate setting. Also, start things off with a personal anecdote that reveals a little bit about yourself. Nothing too personal, yet nothing too vague. Something that’s good enough to persuade him to open up, and give you insight into who he really is.
- No one would blame you if you declined this guy’s offer. Like my mom used to tell me, “first impressions are everything.” If this guy made a bad one and it’s one that you think can’t be changed, by all means move on.
- Oh and before you make a decision either way, ask yourself if you gave 100% to the date. Were you being yourself? Or did you have a guard up, and he mirrored what you gave him?
As always nothing but love,