Being with a Relative’s Old One Night Stand

Hey T,

How would you feel if you found out a dude you are vibing with was actually with your cousin a few years back?  I’ve been talking to this guy for about 6 weeks, and last weekend my cousin came to visit me while he was on Spring Break. Well when I introduced my cousin to this guy, my cousin was acting a little weird.  So when the two of us got back to my place, my cousin dropped the bomb that he and this man, who I really like by the way, had slept together back at Miami Sizzle last year.  When I asked the guy about it, he confirmed it.  However, they both agree that it was a one-time thing.  But now I’m confused what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to be involved with someone that smashed my cousin. Thoughts?

Too Close to Home

Dear Too Close to Home,

Thanks for writing to me.  I can understand why you’re a bit apprehensive as to what to do next in this situation.  When dating, we all understand that the people we get involved with have their own pasts.  Pasts that have former partners and previous experiences that don’t include us.  However, we’d like to think that these pasts don’t include close relatives and friends.

For some folks, they can’t handle the thought of their potential boo laying up in bed with their family member.  It’s just too awkward.  To think about how your man, or someone you want to give that distinguished title, was smashing someone close to you, can be a big pill to swallow.  That relative or perhaps bestie, knows how your guy likes to kiss, sweet talk, conduct foreplay, and how he gets down when it comes to pump action. LOL!  Just weird.

Then there are others who are in a different head space altogether.  They could care less who their could be partner slept with before them, because all they know is who he is sleeping with now.  Plus, those of this school of thought rather not ruin a potentially great thing.  I actually don’t think either perspective is right or wrong.  It’s really just about preference.

I know you asked me what I would do here, so before I end this response, let me tell you.  I unfortunately would probably be with the folks that couldn’t handle this situation.  It would be too uncomfortable for me knowing a family member smashed my man.  Relationships are hard enough, and I rather not start it out with this particular set of baggage. Unless I was hopelessly in love with this man, I’d have to end things. If I happened to be crazy in love, I’d have to think long and hard about my next steps.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. If you decide to ride things out with this man you’ve been dating, then you are going to have to let this thing about your cousin go. Focusing on that will doom your chances of entering into a full blown relationship with a man you really like.


  1. Just in case you find yourself annoyed by both your cousin and this guy, let me tell you now not to be. Again, this incident happened before you and this man were a blimp on the radar.


  1. Now don’t beat yourself up if you decide to end things with this man. For some people, previously sleeping with a close relative is just a deal breaker.  In that case, tell him this situation is too weird and you can’t move forward with him.

As always nothing but love,



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