No matter how hard I try, I can’t shake my ex. He and I have broken up four times, and each time we get back together. This last time though, I swore I was not going to take him back. I told him, and myself, I was tired of the petty arguments and sick of feeling like I can’t trust him. The last time we broke up, it was because he cheated. And I know all the reasons why I shouldn’t get back with him, but damn it I love him. The good times between us are really good. Great convo, great laughs, and great sex. With him in my ear asking me for another chance, I’m tempted to take him back. What do I do here? I could really use some good advice.
Dear Hopelessly Stuck,
Thanks for writing to me. It sounds like you are stuck in a love cycle, and trust me you wouldn’t be the first. For those that are familiar with this situation, it kind of feels like being in the middle of a tornado or whirlwind. Just when you think you’ve found your way out of the storm, a big gust sucks you right back into the eye of it all.
The funny thing about real relationships is that real love exists. No matter what a partner may say or do, that love doesn’t just instantly disappear. It’s perfectly fine if you find it difficult to shake your ex. Loving him after all the “pettiness” and moment of infidelity, is normal. So don’t beat yourself up if you still love him, but feel you shouldn’t. Unfortunately for humans, our hearts don’t always behave rationally. That’s why God gave us a brain.
Having said this, you really need to ask yourself if the ups and downs you and your ex go through are a regular part of relationship woes, or are a reflection of an unhealthy dynamic. While it’s normal for a couple to have its share of arguments, a routine occurrence of fighting is too draining for anyone. Relationships are hard work, but you most certainly should experience more ups than downs.
Also, it’s worth mentioning that there comes a time when a relationship is no longer working, and both parties are just too afraid to pull the trigger to end things. This fear of ending things stems from a notion that one or both people can’t find anyone better. Or in some cases, people won’t leave a bad situation because they don’t want to start over with someone else. The prospect of reentering the dating scene keeps them complacent in a perhaps unhealthy bond.
Suggestions going forward.
- Trust your instincts. If the infidelity of your boyfriend was your breaking point, then let it be that. Don’t give into your pattern of habit, and move on.
- Remember that growth in a relationship is crucial, and when two people are together and growth no longer seems to occur, then it’s time for both individuals to reevaluate whether or not being romantically involved is healthy.
As always nothing but love,