What’s Wrong With Being Kept?

Dear T,

What’s wrong with being kept?  So me and some of my friends were talking, and they tried to call me out for only dating a certain type of man.  I’ll be the first to admit that I like a guy with a certain level of coin, and who is not afraid to spend some of it on me.  My friends think this is gold digger behavior, but I call it finding a security.  I mean think about, many marriages and relationships don’t make it because of money issues.  So wouldn’t it make since to date folks who have money?  Just saying.  What are your thoughts?


Mr. Bank of America


Dear Mr. Bank of America,

Thanks for writing to me.  Your question reminds me of the Jazmine Sullivan song “Mascara.”  In the track, she essentially sings about being a kept woman.  In addition, Sullivan describes in some detail what she has to do in order to be kept.  For example, there is one line that goes as follows:

No, I ain’t got a job but, so what!
I don’t need it when I’m getting everything that I want, and everything that I ask for
I wear that freakum dress for daddy then he give me more.

Being a kept person is not the easiest task.  Since you choose to play this role, then you know.  You always have to keep it tight and keep it right.  And based on what kind of genetics you’re working with, that can be a bit complicated.  Plus, there is the whole idea that your box has to operate somewhat like an “On-Demand” system if you catch my drift. LOL!  So again, being kept is not easy, and does actually require a bit of work, and even submission.  Heck, who has heard of someone being kept giving their sponsor too much attitude and mouth.

Having said that, please don’t confuse my understanding of what it means to be financially taken care of, for me being a fan.  Listen, I personally can’t subscribe to the lifestyle you love to live.  I’m not judging you by any means.  I’m just saying what I can’t do it.  I don’t like the notion of having to depend on someone to take care of me, when I’ve been blessed with the tools to take care of myself.  (Tools such as my mind for starters.)  Also, I can’t fathom being radio silent when it comes to expressing my opinion, and I know for sure I can’t sustain the role of Suzy Homemaker.  But if this works for you and others out here, then kudos.

To your point, many relationships do fail because of money troubles.  There are a slew of statistics that prove that.  So I get that you want to take that potential relationship hiccup off the table.  However, just because you eliminate a finance risk, doesn’t mean any coupledom you may enter into will last.  There are a plethora of things that could go wrong.  With that said, I would caution you from only dating men with money.  You could potentially miss out on the one guy for you.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Remember, chase the man with drive, not necessarily the man with money. The two aren’t always synonymous.  But the man with drive and ambition is going places, and trust that you want to be there on the ground floor when he does.

As always nothing but love,


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2 thoughts on “What’s Wrong With Being Kept?”

  1. Mr. Bank of America says:

    And kept I shall be lol

    1. AsAccordingToT says:

      LOL well alright

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