relationships

I Can’t Stand His Child’s Mother

T,

I’m having a little issue in my relationship.  My boyfriend and I were doing just fine until I met the mother of his child a few weeks ago.  She is a major b*tch.  There is no other way to put it.  When my boyfriend’s daughter had her 6th birthday party, I went because the little girl invited me.  She is my little buddy and my boyfriend encouraged me to go, so I went.  When I got to the party, the baby mama threw me some major shade.  The only time she addressed me was when she was insulting me calling me things like “little boy.”  I spoke to my boyfriend about it after the party, and he told me to just let it go. That it wasn’t worth it.  Which had me feeling some type of way, which caused an argument between him and I.  We’ve since agreed to move past all of this, but in the back of my mind, I’m wondering what happens when this occurs again with this woman?  Hopefully your advice will help me.

-Baby Mama Drama

Dear Baby Mama Drama,

Thanks for writing to me.  From the sounds of things, you’re in quite a unique position.  You’re the target of shade and insults, and the source of it all is behind a big red line, that I really caution you from crossing.  Once you cross that line, it may reroute a great relationship that you have with your boyfriend.  Reroute you back to Team Single.

From what I’ve read here, I’m going to assume that the mother of your boyfriend’s child has more of an issue with your boyfriend and the idea of you.  Some women aren’t emotionally mature enough to handle the fact that they once slept with a man that turned out to be gay or bisexual.  It’s a blow to their pride.  So her problem may be with her having an ex that sleeps with men, and you are the actualization of that fact.

Then there is always the possibility that this woman was going to dislike you or any man or woman your boyfriend brought around their child.  She could have some lingering feelings for the father of her daughter.  If that’s true, she views you as the obstacle in the way of her family’s unification.

In this situation, I’m going to recommend you do as your boyfriend says and let it go.  Sometimes in life there will be people that say or do thing, and you can’t clap back because of the chain of events you could potentially set off.  For example, what if you get into it with the mother, and that causes the child in this situation, your buddy, to turn on you.  Look the daughter likes you right now, so don’t do anything to ruin that.  A relationship has a MAJOR uphill battle to overcome when one partner’s kid hates the other partner.  And many couples can’t overcome that.

Also, how would you feel if you or your boyfriend get into a blowout over “Bday shade” with this woman, and she starts acting funny about his visitation with his daughter.  I’m sure he wouldn’t be thrilled to have more problems in what seems to be an already delicate parenting relationship.  And I know you would feel terrible if you were the cause of any of those types of issues.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Again be the bigger person here, and follow your boyfriend’s lead on this one. If he says let this one go, trust him and do just that.  I’m sure he doesn’t want you to feel disrespected, but I’m sure he has a view of the bigger picture in play.

 

  1. Please don’t make a habit of “resolving” an issue in your relationship, and then holding onto anger or disgust weeks later. It’s not healthy for you or your coupledom.

 

As always nothing but love,

T.

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