“It Goes Down in the DM”

Hey T,

Love the site.  I check out your posts from time to time, and like what you have to say.  Actually hoping you can help me.  I came across this guy on Instagram, and think he is so fine.  Smile, body, and height are all topnotch.  Based on his posts, he seems to be real cool.  Of course I’ve liked more than a few of his pics, and recently he’s been liking mine.  Well I want to reach out to him, but I don’t want to come off thirsty.  Plus, I’m sure folks are throwing themselves at him all the time.  What would you do? I mean if you were me.


Want Him

Dear Want Him,

I really appreciate when folks send compliments my way, so thanks a bunch.  I’m glad I’ve found a fan in you.  Now in terms of your dilemma, I’m going to challenge you to be bold, and press you to get what you want.  So it’s going to take some courage on your part.

Rapper Ace Hood once said “closed mouths don’t get fed on this boulevard.” And you know what, he was absolutely right.  You can’t expect to meet up or date an IG crush if you don’t open your mouth, or he opens his.  But if two shy people don’t ever say anything, how does the match get made?  You don’t want to mess around and wait for this guy to be taken off the market do you?

As far as your concern about appearing thirsty, I wouldn’t worry about it.  Let it go “down in the DM,” and send him a message.  LOL! Now this shouldn’t be a message with a pic of your private parts, and you shouldn’t pop off at the mouth with bedroom convos.  Keep it simple, and keep it PG.

Also, don’t worry about other people throwing themselves at him.  Worry about you and him.  I don’t know Boris Kodjoe and Nicole Ari Parker personally, but I can just imagine all of the girls that were throwing themselves at him before Nicole came into the picture.  And wisely, I imagine Nicole didn’t worry about the other people.  She stayed true to herself and the connection she felt with Boris, and landed her boo.  Be confident and know you are one in a million, and if this IG crush is for you, he’ll see that.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. When you send this outgoing message to this guy, you can say something like: “Hey, what’s going on? I mean no disrespect but I had to tell you. You’re very handsome, and seem like really cool people.” This is simple, and expresses your attraction.  If he is feeling you, he will engage in conversation.  If not, he won’t reply, or he may just message back “thanks.”


  1. If he isn’t receptive to the message you send, leave it at that and move on. DO NOT keep engaging with someone that doesn’t engage with you.

As always nothing but love,


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2 thoughts on ““It Goes Down in the DM””

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