How do you tell your friend not to bring is boyfriend around anymore? My friend has a boyfriend that is a Grade A jackass. He is rude, at times abrasive, and always feels the need to correct people. When my friend brings him around, the energy of the room just changes and becomes real negative. Would have told my friend about his man already, but don’t want to make things awkward between me and him. Thoughts?
Tryna Be Careful
Dear Tryna Be Careful,
Thanks for writing to me. Let me tell you, I know just how awkward it is to have a best friend with a tool as a boyfriend. Your brief letter actually reminds me of when I was in somewhat of a similar situation a while ago. A friend of mine had a boo that often tried to come off as this great guy. His bae was charming, funny, and would always treat me to drinks if I happen to be out with the two. But because of my discerning spirit, I saw right through the BS. The guy was literally like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. He would constantly manipulate my friend from hanging with me and our other friends without him. Also, that idiot was slyly trying to convince my friend that I was jealous of their relationship. (I know that because I peeped a text on my buddy’s phone. Nosey I know. LOL!)
Despite the fact that I felt this boyfriend was a snake, I kept my mouth shut. I realized that this man in my friend’s life was my friend’s choice. And since he’s grown, I had to respect the choice he made as an adult. As long as he wasn’t showing signs of physical or emotional abuse, I had to mind my own business. Being manipulated by sex, money, a need to be in a relationship, or all three, doesn’t qualify me to get involved in a couple’s business. However, since I’m not a fan of being around negative energy, I declined a few invitations to hang out with them. Eventually my pal woke up and dumped the creep, and things between us got back to normal.
The takeaway from my little anecdote is this, your buddy’s relationship with his boo is none of your business. Meaning, you can’t tell your friend you can’t stand his bae, and not to bring him around. By now his boo is an extension of him. So saying you don’t want to hang around the boyfriend is by default in a way saying you don’t want to hang around him. I know that wouldn’t be true, any you know that wouldn’t be true, but your pal may not.
Play it cool. Try my approach and just decline invitations to hang out with the two. If this man is as bad as you think he is, it will only be a matter of time before your friend sees him for who he is. When that time comes, you won’t have to worry about hanging around the jerk anymore. Until that day comes, try keeping a relationship with your friend via phone calls and texts. And perhaps once every full moon, you put up with the tool just so you can lay eyes on your friend.
Suggestions going forward.
- Remember, who your friend chooses to love is his choice. You may not always like his choice in men, but you have to respect that.
- During a period when your friend is single, discuss with him how you believe he deserves a great guy. Rattle of his good qualities and the qualities of a guy good enough for your pal. Said in the right tone and in the right way, he may listen so you won’t have to go through this again.
As always nothing but love,