First off, let me say how much I enjoy reading your posts. I haven’t read all of them, but the ones that I did read, I loved. With that said, I hoping you will be able to help me like you’ve helped other people. See I’m a junior in college right now, and I have a boyfriend here that is a sophomore. We both live on campus. Well in a few months, our school will open up housing selections for next year, and I’m thinking of asking him if he wants to live together. I would like to be able to go to his dorm room or him to come to my apartment, and not have to worry about whose roommate is home. Plus, it would be nice to get some regularly available loving if you know what I mean. I’m just hesitant my boyfriend won’t say yes if I ask him, or that moving in together will cause some friction in our relationship. But what do you think.
Dear J. Rock17,
Thanks for writing to me, and thanks for reading my posts. It means a lot when readers such as yourself tell me you like the content on my blog. So again thank you.
And let me just say how clever you are. Not that I had a real solid relationship back when I was an undergrad, but if I did, I can’t be certain I would have been crafty enough to work the school housing system. At my alma mater coeds couldn’t live together, which I guess meant the gay and lesbian couples could slide under the radar and shack up. I’m assuming your school has similar policies and loopholes, and you’re taking advantage of them. Oh the benefits of being gay! LOL!
Now, you didn’t tell me how long you’ve been in a relationship with your boyfriend, but I hope it’s been at least a year, if not longer. Moving in with a boo is a big deal for couples. It’s one thing to stay at each other’s place every now and then, but another to be sharing a space day in and day out. Even if you don’t think so, it will be an adjustment. The morning routine you’ve become accustomed to, will have to now take into consideration his AM practices. You will no longer have the luxury of running back to your place when the meals from the day start knocking on your stomach, and your personal bathroom is calling your name. Not to mention any tendencies you may have to listen to loud music, must be balanced with his need for peace and quiet. While these things may seem minor, for some couples these small issues snowball into big ones that put a strain on the relationships.
Having said all that, there are a few positives about having a live in bae. As you pointed out, you’ll have no roommates to worry about and you will have easier access to certain “activities.” Plus, I imagine you both would be moving into a two bedroom student apartment. That will be nice to have during those times when he or you needs some personal space.
Suggestions going forward.
- Before you ask your boyfriend the big question, spend some more time feeling out your relationship. You can gauge whether or not he even thinks cohabitation is a good idea by bringing up the topic in casual conversation. (Idea and proposition are two different things.)
- Please don’t let my concerns about you and your boyfriend scare you from taking this next step in your coupledom if you really think it’s time. I just want to make sure you know that moving in together is not so casual and is a big deal.
- Should you discover that your boyfriend is not ready to move in with you, don’t be offended. Him not being ready does not mean he doesn’t want to continue in your relationship.
- If you both agree to share an apartment, expect the occasional argument. Those come with living with other people. Just remember your love for one another to keep you from letting petty conflicts destroy what you have.
As always nothing but love,