So I’ve been messing around with this man who technically already has a partner. There is nothing between us really, but great sex once or twice a week. Plus, he doesn’t mind dropping a little coin on me every now and then. However, I recently told a close friend about my thing with this man and she basically told me what I’m doing is wrong. I told her, I’m not the one cheating, he is. And the guilt should lie with him. She on the other hand believes I’m wrong too because I know he’s involved and I’m breaking up a happy home or whatever. I mean but what do you think?
Free Spirited Bobby
Dear Free Spirited Bobby,
Thanks for writing to me. It sounds like you come from the school of thought that says “if anyone can enter your home, then the home ain’t that happy.” Those that subscribe to this camp see cheating as a one way street basically. As long as they aren’t the ones in a relationship, they’re good. Meanwhile, they claim not to care why the man they’re sleeping with is cheating and disregard the feelings third member of this sorted love triangle. Occasionally they may even utter out loud, if the boyfriend was doing what he was supposed to do, then he wouldn’t be getting cheated on. Does this sound about right? And I ask that with no judgement.
Look from what you’ve shared with me here, I will have to take your friend’s side on this one. I get that you feel your conscious should be clear because you’re not the one in a relationship, but think about how you would feel if you were in the shoes of the partner being cheated on. Would you want to be the guy that is committed to a man that’s not committed to you? I mean even fictional character Olivia Pope felt bad for Mellie. (I love Scandal by the way.)
Plus, let’s consider for the moment that your sex buddy’s boo senses something is not right in the partnership, and suspects this guy of cheating. Then after some digging, the partner finds out that you are the one that has been sleeping with his man. There is a chance the partner will be the vengeful type, and come after you. I’m certain you don’t want to be the victim of a slashed tire, stalking, or physical acts of violence. This might sound crazy, but you’d be surprised by the lengths some people will go to in order to protect what they think belongs to them. If you don’t believe me, turn on the news every once in a while. Or better yet, look at any program on the ID Discovery channel.
Suggestions going forward.
- If you are with this guy purely because the sex is good and he is a steady payday, then end things with this guy. Not to sound too cliché, but there are plenty of single fish in the sea.
- Never strive to be the “other man.” Strive to be the only man. With that said, make sure single is a description of your future dates.
- On the off chance you find out that you have feelings for this guy that extends beyond the bedroom and the bank, then you should demand all of him. You should want him to be honest with his boo, and want him to be available to you. If he wants to be with you and officially unite with you under proper circumstances, then he will do grow a pair and come clean.
As always nothing but love,