How do you know when to call it with someone your started seeing? I used to think I knew, but after being single for 5 plus years, I’m not sure. My friends suggested that perhaps I don’t give guys enough time to see if we are compatible. But how much time do I give so I don’t waste my time? Advice would be appreciated.
Thanks for writing to me. Clever name by the way. As far as an answer to your question goes, I’ll say this. Sometimes as a dater, people are quick to jump the gun about declaring a person incompatible. Living the single life you have a mental checklist. If applicants to be your boo seemingly fail to meet your requirements, you instantly deem them unqualified.
And look, I get it. As humans, many of us think life is too short to be wasting time on duds for dates. We rather not invest in situations that don’t have potential to be amazingly successful. However, it is common for individuals to throw in the towel a tad too early. Dating can be compared to gardening. Now hear me out before you write me off here Lol! When a gardener determines the conditions are right, he begins planting seeds. He hopes those seeds produce something spectacular, but sometimes he gets bad fruit. However, he can’t possibly know if he is going to get a bad product until he allows the plant to grow a bit. You as the gardener can’t know with absolutely certainty that a guy as the seed, will turn out to be a bust until you invest a little time in the situation.
I remember when I first entered the “adult” dating world. I would meet a guy, go on several dates, and around 6 weeks things would fizzle between me and man of the moment. Unknowingly at the time, at week 6 my instincts kicked in and told me what was what of my “situationship.” It was like an internal switch went off and told me to abort the mission. So I did. But thinking about it, I realized that in 6 weeks, I spent enough time talking on the phone, meeting at movies and restaurants, and sharing kisses to know longevity with the ghosts of dating’s pasts was just not there.
With that said, if you can honestly check yourself and assess your expectations for Prince Charming (making sure they are reasonable, and determining what are really musts in a mate), then you should instinctively know deep down a fair amount of time to assess a potential boo for you. When dating, ask yourself if you are giving this guy a fair shot? Or are you unnecessarily nitpicking? I’m assuming you saw something in the man to go on a date in the first place, so weigh those initial thoughts and feelings about him with his perceived cons.
Suggestions going forward.
- By no means am I telling you to make Pepsi from a lemon. LOL! No need for you to try to make something work that is never supposed to happen. What I am telling you, is you may want to be a little less liberal with your pen when writing people off.
- If you haven’t set your expectations of a boo in the realm of realistic possibilities, do that sooner rather than later.
As always nothing but love,