Is This Man Flirting With Me?

Hi T,

I read your reply to the question about being outed in college or whatever, and I thought what you said was pretty dope.  I thought maybe you could give me some good advice too.  See there is this guy on campus who happens to be in two of my classes this semester.  He is real cool, and we are actually in a study group together.  Well the other night, the other people in our group left me and this boy in the library, and the two of us just chilled and talked for hours.  I think he was flirting with me, but I’m not sure.  I’m attracted to the guy, and I would like to hang out with him in a more date like situation, but I don’t want to put myself out there in case he’s just cool people and not gay.  What do you think?


College Chronicles

Dear College Chronicles,

Thanks for writing to me, and thanks for reading some of my other content.  I really love my site visitors.  As far as your dilemma goes, it is actually one I think every gay or bisexual man has been in or will be in at some point in his life.  I for one have been in your shoes, and oddly enough I too was in college when it happened.

Back when I was a junior at my alma mater, I met this freshman through various activities I was involved in at the time.  We will call him Larry for the sake of this story.  Larry was an extremely attractive guy.  Flawless caramel skin, an amazing smile, and was thick in the caboose if you catch my drift.  Well anyway, at the time when Larry would text me or come to my apartment to hangout, I didn’t really think much of it.  I was involved in a freshmen mentorship program, so I would often have freshmen reaching out to me for advice or coming to my place to get away from their roommates.  But even after a few weeks of Larry texting and coming over, I was still unsure about what exactly was going on.

Progressively, Larry would start sending me texts late at night, find excuses to come over when my roommate of the time was gone, and would do certain things that most people would think is provocative to say the least.  For example, one time I told him he could spend the night on my couch because the person he was living with was getting on his nerve.  Before I went to my room for the night, I was talking to him in the living room and he started doing his midnight routine which included yoga.  Some of those yoga positions were phenomenal.  Being that I didn’t identify as “gay” at the time, and didn’t know for sure he had a thing for me, I recall having to adjust myself and quickly go to my room to diffuse a potentially weird situation.  Eventually, Larry just came out and told me about the feelings he had for me, and I gave into my suppressed sexuality.

Right now you may be wondering, “What the heck does this have to do with me?”  And to that let me respond.  Sometimes we as humans are blind to what is right in front of us.  Our instincts are telling us something, but we refuse to see it or believe it due to fear or other excuses.  If you typically have good intuition in regards to whether someone is flirting with you or not, don’t doubt yourself now.  Instead listen to your gut.

If you’re still not willing to trust yourself, then start looking for signs.  Does he contact you in what I call “booty call hours”?  (After 11pm).  Does he frequently text you or inbox you inquiring what you are up to?  Have you caught him staring at you from time to time?  Is he overly complimentary of your appearance?  And in terms of his sexuality, does he mention girls or a girlfriend?  If you are Facebook or Instagram friends, have you noticed you all have numerous friends in common that you know are gay?  The answers to questions like these will help reaffirm if you should trust your intincts.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Be careful not to misread his kindness for flirting. Some people are just overly kind with everyone, and don’t mean to flirt.
  1. Also, keep in mind that just because a person flirts with you, it doesn’t mean he wants you. There are many folks out here who are just flirts and teases.
  1. Don’t let your attraction to him and your desire for him to be gay, cloud your good judgement. You can’t will for other men to be homosexual.

As always nothing but love,


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