relationships

Adele Has Me in My Feelings

Hi T,

Believe it or not, that new Adele song has had me thinking lately about my ex-boyfriend.  Despite the fact that we broke up 4 months ago, and we both have started dating other people, the song made me realize I still love him and didn’t get closure after the breakup.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to get back together with him or anything.  But I’m just saying.  Actually, I guess I don’t know what I’m saying.  Guess I’m asking you to help me make sense of my emotions.

From,

Hello 88

Dear Hello 88,

Thanks for writing to me.  It sounds like you experienced what many people that listened to “Hello” experienced, which is a flood of emotions.  Having listened to the song about 50 times myself, I understand the feelings that arise when hearing the lyrics matched with Adele’s voice.  You start to think about that special someone from your past and the relationship you once had.  You wonder about what could have been said or done to possibly have saved your love.  And perhaps you regret that things ended without you getting the closure you think you deserve.  Trust me, I get that someone can get “caught up” listening to this awesome song.

However, please don’t allow this track and the mood it brings about to fool you into wanting a relationship that is better off nonexistent.  Sometimes two people are just not meant to be together.  No matter how many times “I’m sorry” is said, “I forgive you” is repeated, and make-up sex is had, that may not be enough to keep a couple together.

Now look, I completely get that you may want closure.  I’m pretty sure everyone who has really loved someone, knows the importance of a proper ending to a relationship.  You want to know that things are really over and that you both did everything you could to make it work; but, realize that you two aren’t each other’s happily ever after.  Having said that, if you and your ex think you are mature and calm enough to meet and rehash the past, go ahead and do so.  Reach out to him and propose linking up in a public place.  But again, only do that if you two are going to remain calm and not go into this meeting guns blazing.

And one more thing.  If after talking with the ex in an effort to obtain closure and you think you two should give it another go, don’t rush into anything.  Take your time to really contemplate reuniting.  In fact, check out my post discussing why you ought to be cautious about pursuing this very idea (I Want that Old Thing Back).  You don’t want to waste your time or his.  Plus, you don’t want to ruin possible relationships you each may have with the people you both are dating, if you don’t have to.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Again, don’t allow “Hello” to take you down a road you aren’t ready to travel.
  1. Be careful listening to Adele’s future album, but do make sure you get it. LOL!

As always nothing but love,

T.

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