Is it normal for a guy now a days to be so demanding of your time, if you two have just been on a few dates? I’ve been seeing this really sweet man for the last couple of weeks, and he texts me a lot, if not calling, to get a status update about my day, or to get to know me. At first I thought this was cute, because it was nice to feel wanted and chased. But now, I’m a little annoyed by the constant communication. I tried to slow the texts and calls down by not responding to every message, but he’ll just send a duplicate message or “wyd” text if I don’t reply. In my head I want to scream at him to chill out. But I don’t know if this is what dating is about these days. Haven’t been in dating world in years due to a relationship, which I recently ended. Anyway, thoughts would be appreciated.
Dear Tryna Date,
Thank you for writing to me. The practice of dating often falls victim to the instant nature of society these days. When many people send texts, DMs, Tweets, emails, and Facebook messages, they expect to be replied to right away without delay. These folks assume the recipient of their messages should stop everything they are doing and respond. And this can be an unfortunate way of thinking.
I’m sure you have heard someone say “people make time for what is important to them.” Translation, “if you’re feeling me the way I am feeling you, then you will make the time to reply when I contact you for the sake of a possible relationship.” Well here’s what’s wrong with that line of thinking. A person could genuinely like another individual, but is tied down by work, school, family, and/or other commitments. Commitments that existed before the presence of a new romance, and will exist after. And therefore, someone may not be able to regularly respond to texts and phone calls, at first. As time progresses, if a new romance evolves into a love filled relationship, a person will work a boo into even the most hectic schedule. But that is a process and probably won’t happen overnight.
Having said all that, you may have a modern day “Bug A Boo” on your hands. LOL! Look, I’m all for two people communicating in an effort to get to know each other. However, I’m also a believer in getting to know someone slowly. If only after a few dates and you feel he is blowing up your phone, it’s perfectly okay to raise an eyebrow.
If you really think you may like this guy, but are just annoyed by his frequency of texts and calls, then you have to put some distance between you and him. He could be rusty to dating himself, and unaware how he is coming off in this situation. You can tell him you like him, but that things are going faster than you anticipated. Make it clear that you need him to slow down. He should take the hint, and contact you a little less. Now if he doesn’t, you may want to slip on your running shoes and prepare for a swift escape.
Suggestions going forward.
- Please be cautious of this guy. If he is this bothersome and you two just started dating, this could be an indication that you and him won’t work.
- The first few of weeks should not be stressful, so remember that as you reenter the dating arena.
- Again, this guy may not know how to date himself, so after talking to him about his “ways,” you both may realize you did him a needed favor.
As always nothing but love,