Dating, relationships

Breakup Protocol 101

Dear T,

If you have been dating a guy for only 6 weeks, but you realize you two aren’t going to work, what’s break up protocol?  Am I required to go meet with him face to face?  Or can I simply send him a text or email?  Or am I required to do anything other than stop communicating with him?  Advice is appreciated?

Thanks in advance,

Grown 89

Dear Grown 89,

Thanks for writing to me.  Although my answer to this question should be simple, I have a few opinions on this matter.  Here’s the thing, if in the six weeks you two were together you both had an understanding you were exclusive, have had sex, and he expressed a possible relationship with you, then it would be nice if you at least call him on the phone to end things.  I don’t think you are required to meet face to face with him necessailry, but it would show a bit of respect if you used a few of your Verizon or Sprint minutes to call this guy you are dating and explain why things won’t work.

Now if you and this guy have been dating, but never claimed to be exclusive or had serious talks about progressing into a relationship, I actually don’t see anything wrong with sending a text message or email.  Your “situationship” lacks a level of seriousness in this instance.  Heck, you could probably get away with just stopping communication with him without declaring a formal breakup.  Although I am guilty of doing the latter, I usually prefer the ending of something to be crystal clear.  So I convey such through words.

Oh and in case your use of the word dating really means sex buddies; then again, I see nothing wrong with a text message.  If you both knew what it was when you started hooking up, then neither one of you should be too broken hearted with you ending things.  With that said, I know sometimes people claim to be okay with being sex buddies, but are really hoping it evolves into something more.  So if you send this guy a text, and he replies with something like “but why I thought we had a good thing going,” or a phrase other than “okay cool.”  Then, he may have been under the impression something more was developing.  And in that case, it would be nice to explain to him on the phone why you two won’t work.  Again it would be nice, but not required.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. In your breakup conversation, DO NOT utter the phrase “we can be friends.” More often than not I’ve found that those who say that don’t mean it.  And those who hear it, are repulsed by the suggestion.  The latter are usually thinking “I have friends and don’t need another.”
  1. Now on the off chance you’re afraid of this guy’s reaction when you break up with him because you think he is “crazy,” send a text, Fb msg, DM, and issue a swift BLOCK.

As always nothing but love,


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4 thoughts on “Breakup Protocol 101”

  1. Oh My says:

    I kind of think 6 weeks deserves a face to face, but that’s me

  2. Grown 89 says:

    Thanks T! Phone call it is!

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