I found it necessary today to discuss something that I saw on TV last night. For those of you that have had an opportunity to see Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood this season, then you are aware of gay couple Milan and Miles. For those who haven’t seen it, I’ll offer this brief synopsis. Openly gay rapper Milan is in a “secret” relationship with Miles, a rapper who happens to be closeted in terms of his sexuality. Miles has a longtime friend and once girlfriend named Amber, that he hasn’t told he was gay until last night’s recent episode. Apparently Amber had been hoping to reunite with Miles romantically sometime in the near future. However after revealing who he is to her, Amber takes off running in tears and anger. She then claims everyone was right about him, and proceeds to play a victim role for the rest of the episode. Meanwhile, Miles appears to be sorry for hurting her. With all that said, allow me raise a few issues.
Does Coming out Call for Apologies
When a person comes out of the metaphorical closet, that really is a time for him to be commended and celebrated. He has managed to muster up the courage and strength to live his truth in a world that is not always the most accepting. So congrats to Miles for this important milestone.
Now watching last night, it appeared Miles felt bad for hurting Amber and disappointing his family. But here is the thing, he doesn’t owe anyone a sorry for being him. All he is doing is showing people the real Miles behind the mask. How people react to that is not on him. Their emotional responses are none of his business. It would be like me apologizing or feeling bad for being a man, or for being black.
And I understand Miles was with Amber romantically, but considering that was years ago, so what! Unless he had been with her recently while simultaneously hooking up with men, he doesn’t owe her a sorry or explanation. Okay yeah, she found out a guy she dated for ten years was gay. I’m sure that may be a slight blow to her ego. But in all fairness, she heard all of the rumors about him and probably saw some signs, but refused to take them seriously. Plus, she apparently had relationships with other men since the breakup with Miles, so she wasn’t pining away for him all alone. She should be thankful he never attempted to reunite with her and go as far as to marry her.
I know there are people that will have sympathy for Amber, and for the women who have been in similar situations. This may surprise you, but I find myself not feeling too bad for Amber in this instance. Her and Miles hadn’t been together romantically in years, but maintained a friendship. In her own mind she apparently thought this friendship would evolve back into a romantic relationship. And despite him not giving her any indication he wanted her, Amber thought he would be the man to complete her happily ever after.
Listen ladies, and heck gentlemen, I understand wanting to be with someone so bad. In your head you think, I’ve invested time and energy in this “situationship” with “Brian” or “Briana,” so he/she has to be the one. Nevertheless, “Brian” or “Briana” is NOT entitled to share in your feelings of romance or moments of delusion. And I’m not being harsh when I say that. I’ve had love for someone that would never be able to love me in that way, and yet still thought the infamous “someday” would come around. But it never did with that person, and that’s okay. I was better off, and really so is Amber.
Quick Take Away: If someone tells you he isn’t interested in you in a way other than friendship, and his actions continually show such. BELIEVE HIM!
Closeted/Discrete Doesn’t Mean Down Low
I think what bothered me the most about this storyline last night, is the way discrete and DL labels seemed to be blurred. I’ve always had an issue with the negative connotation that the term “down low” carries with it. When I hear it, I think of the deceptive culture in the black gay community that has often hindered the overall black community’s acceptance of homosexual members.
Until I see otherwise on the show, I in no way feel Miles was on the down low. There is no indication that he was sleeping with Amber and men at the same time. From what I gathered, he was with her at one point then he realized he had a strong attraction to men. Having that moment of clarity, he began to live his lifestyle discretely. And there is nothing wrong with keeping who is in your bed at night private. Miles didn’t owe her an explanation because they weren’t together; and when they were together, I actually think he probably did love her to a degree. But in no way, did he do her dirty.
Spreading the News
After Miles revealed to Amber that he is gay, she seemed pretty adamant on telling the masses he likes men. In that moment, I had to give her a major side-eye. I absolutely HATE when people callously feel it’s their job to tell folks that someone is gay. As if it’s their place to warn the public. I have two major reasons why this is a pet peeve for me.
- When people try to “out” others, they in a sense are attempting to use gay men and women’s sexuality as a weapon against them. They are attempting to shame them for an identity they were born with, and that in a sense is a form of bullying in my opinion.
- When gay men and women are forced to publicly deal with their sexuality and their journey of acceptance, before they are ready to do such, that can lead to deadly consequences. There are people that literally are pushed to the brink of suicide because they were forced to face the disapproval of family and friends before they were mentally prepared and equipped to do so.
All in all, it will be kind of interesting to see how the rest of this storyline unfolds in future episodes. What do you all think?