friendship

Being Honest with Friends

Dear T,

How do you tell your friend he’s full of sh$t, without throwing away the friendship?  Whenever it’s just me and him, we have some of the best times.  But when we get around other people, he has a tendency to want to stunt.  He will start bragging about his job and things he owns.  And when you add alcohol to the mix, he becomes an unbearable tool.  I’ve tried hinting to him that this act is not cute, but he didn’t get it.  Any suggestions here would be much appreciated.

Thanks,

Over It

Dear Over It,

Thanks for writing to me.  I can see why you might be annoyed and “over it” in this situation.  Personally I’m not a fan of being around people who constantly praise themselves, so I can’t even imagine having a person like that a part of my inner circle.  I’m happy for others’ success, but a successful person that maintains humility is the real MVP.

I know you said you hinted to him about his unattractive bragging behavior, but you need to forget beating around the bush.  Be crystal clear about your feelings.  I’m a firm believer that real friends don’t have to sugar coat things.  Real friends can call each other out on their bull, and still maintain a friendship at the end of the day.  Let me give you a quick example.

Picture it!  It’s Sicily 1963.  LOL!  I’m kidding, I’m not Sophia Petrillo.  However, it was about 6 years ago and I was having a conversation with one of my straight friends right here in the states.  He had a girlfriend that he seemingly cared for, but he was an infamous man whore.  He wasn’t the most faithful at all.  Well when his girl finally had enough of hearing the whispers behind her back and listening to his lies, she left him.  He begged and pleaded with her to take him back, but she wouldn’t budge.  He didn’t understand how she could throw away three years of a relationship.  That’s when I got real with him.  I told him very clearly, that he threw the relationship away, not her.  I explained to my friend that if he wouldn’t have kept using his hammer to knock out every vagina that leaped at him, then maybe he would still have a boo.  I capped that conversation off with, if the roles were reversed he would be threw with the relationship too.  Oh, and I told him to do better next time.

My friend was taken aback to a degree with my honesty, but he knows I’m a direct person.  In the end, I’m pretty sure he appreciated my approach to delivering the truth, and that tough conversation did not end our friendship.  So long story short and the point I’m trying to make, don’t be afraid to call your friend out.  You could be giving him a much needed push to grow up.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Remember friendship that is real and true, can withstand the awkward yet necessary conversations.
  1. Just straight up tell your friend in a private that he acts like a jerk on occasion. Make sure you provide him with concrete examples when you do so.

As always nothing but love,

T.

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