Dating, relationships

Being the Third Person in a Relationship Meant for Two

 Dear T,

I think I like a guy who is already taken. I met him at a bar last weekend, and we exchanged numbers. He told me last night on the phone though that he has a boyfriend.  Usually when I hear that magic word, I chuck up the deuces. But after only a few days of texts and calls, I find myself really interested in this man.  A part of me wants to keep talking to him. However I’m not one to break up a happy home.  My cousin said if this guy is talking to me, then the home isn’t that happy. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.


Lost one 91

Dear Lost one 91,

Thanks for writing to me.  It sounds like you have a bit of a situation on your hands.  You’re attracted to a guy that is technically not on the market.  And unfortunately, following that attraction will prove to be risky business for all those involved.  Trust me!

In a society popularized by the love stories of Olivia Pope, Annalise Keating, and several other fictional characters, one may think following your heart or “loins” is all that matters in life.  However, that simply isn’t true.  Don’t get me wrong, I love getting my Scandal and How to Get Away with Murder fixes on Thursday night as much as the next guy.  But falling in love or lust with taken individuals is a dangerous game that usually ends in a broken heart or two.

Not to overload you with expressions, but there are two that I think are relevant to what’s going on here.  First, “karma is a b$tch!”  And second, “how you get him is how you’ll lose him.”  I’d hate for you to get involved with this guy, and one day become the boo, just to eventually become the scorned.  You don’t want to go through a season of listening to old school Mary J. and Jazmine Sullivan to get through an unnecessary breakup.

If this guy is indeed in an unhappy relationship and is really interested in you, make him man up. Tell him if he wants you, then he needs to get his house in order.  He needs to dissolve his current relationship before investing in a new one.  It’s only fair for everyone involved.  And you deserve to start something with someone on more sturdy ground.

Oh and before I forget, let me also say that being the other man could get you caught up in some real I.D. Discovery type of mess.  If his bae finds out you’ve been talking to him, you could wind up with slashed tires or worse.  As stated in my family, folks out here are crazy.  Which is so true.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Don’t compromise what you know to be your self-worth. I believe everyone should feel they are better than the “side piece” title.
  1. Again, require this guy to man up and be honest with his current boo if you and him are going to pursue something.
  1. Be careful with this guy should you two continue to talk. If you two have been texting and calling for a few days, but you just found out about his relationship, then your eyebrow should be raised like mine.

As always nothing but love,


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