So in an effort to help folks get over the infamous first date hump, I wanted to share with you readers some major “don’ts” for date one. This will be a brief list, but I think it will be a good start for some of you. But if you have any follow-up questions or comments, leave them in the little box below. Don’t be shy, it’s all anonymous.
- Dinner at an Expensive Restaurant
Growing up, I was raised to believe that first impressions are everything. So I understand wanting to make a big splash on a first date. However, taking someone on a wildly expensive date sets a high bar for a possible future. If you had to dip into your savings or borrow some funds from friends, then an equally wowing follow-up date may be a problem. You could be putting a strain on your wallet, just to establish some smoke and mirrors around the person you really are. First dates are about getting to know the real you, not the fantasized dream you want to sell. And think about it. Do you really put yourself in a financial bind over a person you may not even see or hear from again once you leave the restaurant?
- Trying Something New
Listen, I’m all for trying something new. I like doing things I’ve never done before, going to places I’ve never been, and eating at restaurants that I’ve yet to experience. HOWEVER, I know applying that perspective to a first date plan is a big no no. If you invite someone out on a date, you want to take them somewhere that you at least feel comfortable. To a place where you know a little something about, so you know what to expect. It’s a terrible feeling being on a date in a restaurant with awful food. Or going to a bar with watered down drinks. Or going to a club with seedy people. What makes those experiences even more troublesome, is knowing you are the one that suggested the locations. Moral of the story, stick with what you know. Save the “adventures” for date three or four.
- A Night In
This just spells set-up. A night in at your place or his is some real risky business. The whole “Netflix and Chill” craze being talked about now hits on some truth. Being confined to the four walls of either your place or his on a first date, unfortunately gives a signal that you are willing to participate in some “bedroom activity.” You are going to, or inviting someone into a personal and intimate space. And unless you are ready to give up the goods, don’t do it. Now keep in mind, that giving up the booty or peen on a first encounter can send the message that sex was really the purpose for meeting. You, the guy, or both of you just disguised your hookup as a “date.”
- Going to See a Movie
Unless there is a dinner before or after to accompany this, going to see a movie for a first date is a bad idea. The very first time you meet face to face with a potential boo, there should be a focus on getting to talk with one another in an effort to sense your compatibility. Yeah you may have sent texts, exchanged Kik messages, and talked on the phone for hours. But until you’ve had the chance to talk in person, you won’t know if your chemistry translates beyond a screen. And let’s be real, how much communication can you have in a movie theater?
- Extending Invitation to Friends
I had to place this at number one, because I’m tired of this trend. A first date should be between you and that other one person. It is not occasion for your to bring your whole crew along on your should be private moment. Bringing friends with you as a buffer is really only cute when you have to, because your parents were apprehensive about their 11 year old kid dating. LOL! Meeting someone for the first time can already be a nerve-racking experience. Bringing Jason, Brandon, and Ray Ray along only adds to your poor date’s stress.
And inviting a guy along with you while you go out to meet your friends, is a first date fail as well. Despite what your potential bae may tell you, he doesn’t want to be your plus one on an outing with your friends. If he agrees to go, he is doing so because he is so interested in you that he is willing to jump this very unnecessary hurdle. Save the friends for later down the road. When you are sure you are into the guy, and you are sure the guy is really into you.
Oh and if you are that nervous about going on a one on one date with a guy, then perhaps you aren’t ready to date that person, or date period.