I don’t really have a personal dilemma right now, but I do have a question. Me and my boys were at my house just chilling and drinking, and the topic of relationships came up. See, I happen to think that when I date someone, he and I should fully disclose our past dating and sexual history. I want to know what he’s done, who he’s done it with, and how long ago they did it. On the other hand, my one friend said he doesn’t want to know everything. That what happened with his boo before he came into the picture is none of his business. He was on this whole “live in the present not the past” thing. But wouldn’t you want to know about your bae’s past skeletons? Share your thoughts.
Mr. Give Me Deets
Dear Mr. Give Me Deets,
Thanks for writing to me. The conversation you had with your friends is actually one many cliques across the country have had. And like you, there are undoubtedly those that want to know every hole their man’s peen has entered before them. Some want to know in an effort to determine whether or not their boyfriend was or is a hoe. Others want to know, because they want to “compare” themselves with their boyfriend’s past line up. It’s kind of like they want to know they are the best their man has ever had, and will ever have. Whatever the reasoning, people that share your school of thought want the tea or 411, and feel entitled to know such.
On the flip side of this, there are those that don’t want to know anything that happened before them. What their current boyfriend was doing in the past is none of their business. The sexual escapades and former dates are only relevant in the fact, that those experiences helped shape the man they now call bae. And there are some that actually fear discovering the unknown. One of those “ignorance is bliss” situations. They think digging around in a boyfriend’s past spells nothing but trouble.
Now I hate to bust your bubble, but I’m actually more inclined to side with your friends that choose not study their boyfriend’s Carfax. Listen, when people say knowledge is power, they are right. For me, knowing too much about my boyfriend’s “before life” is dangerous. Don’t get me wrong, I would want to know if he dated one of my friends or had a STI or something, but other than that, I don’t care to be informed. I’d rather focus my efforts on keeping what we have relevant and stable. LOL.
Suggestions going forward.
- You operate in your relationships the way you see fit. If you are a person that must know his boyfriend’s history, then learn all about it. It’s your prerogative.
- Remember the most important thing you want to know, is that he has been tested for STIs or STDs (whatever term they use these days).
As always nothing but love,