I have this best friend who I’ve known for 10 plus years. When we are together, we have nothing but kikis and fun. However, when I bring him around my other male friends from college, a flip switches and he becomes a person I don’t care for. Without fail, he makes a point to flirt with all my other male friends. And if he can, sleeps with them. That pisses me off. I don’t understand why there are countless gay men out in the world, and he feels the need to screw my friends. It’s uncomfortable for me. When shit hits the fan, my best friend and other friends look at me crazy. Heck, I’ve actually lost a friendship with one guy because my best friend slept with him. What do you think I should do here?
Thanks for writing to me. When I tell you I can relate to your problem here, I mean it. I have a friend who is a natural “hot box.” Any guy friend or associate I brought around him, my “horny” friend would attempt to flirt his way into a bedroom. Like you, I found myself annoyed by my friend’s behavior because I routinely found myself in an uncomfortable situation. After his last sexual liaison with my “mentee” from college, I finally had to have a conversation with my pal. And I suggest you do the same.
Although I don’t remember all that I said to him, the gist of what I told him was keep your snake in the cage and close your hole around my other friends. I told him that as his friend, I’m bothered by him continuously trying to talk to people that I know. My name is not Jack’d, Grindr, or eHarmony, and people I bring around him are not for his sexual choosing. And I also added, that if he wanted me to help find him a date or something, I’d be glad to assist.
Now I can talk to my good friend like this, because we have that type of friendship. He is candid with calling me out on my flaws or mistakes, and I’m just as candid with him about the same things. So how I addressed him, may not be the approach you want to take with your friend. After ten years of a platonic relationship, you should know the best way to confront him.
My suggestions for moving forward.
- Again, have that conversation with your BFF. Be honest in trying to tell him why you have an issue with his behavior and how it is taking a toll on the relationship between you two.
- If you don’t think he is able to change his behavior, then think about not bringing him around when you hang out with your other friends.
- It’s worth mentioning, that the sex between your friend and a guy (whether an associate of yours or not) is between those two people. Don’t ever allow yourself to be pulled that deep into other folks’ sexual mess or a “he said she said drama.” That really has nothing to do with you. If people try to pull you into that type of conflict, simply remind the parties that you weren’t in the bedroom when things went down between them, and you won’t be in the middle of them now.
- Although you can air your grievances, just remember one important thing. Grown folks are grown. Two consenting adults will always do what they want to do at the end of the day. So again, you may just have to stop bringing your bestie around so many of the other people that you know to avoid this issue in the future.
As usual nothing but love,