Last week I met my boyfriend’s mother for the first time. Going into the meeting with her, I had high hopes that I would meet her and she would love me. I mean most parents do. But instead, she just threw me shade, and without saying so, she made sure I knew she didn’t care for me. I asked my boyfriend what I did to offend her, but he says his mom just has to warm up to me. Honestly, I’ve never heard that before. I’m 29, have a college degree, a good job, my own place, and have a lot to offer. And yet she doesn’t like me. I thought maybe she didn’t like me because she doesn’t like the fact her son is gay, but my boyfriend says his mom has accepted his sexuality. Oh and I was the first guy he has introduced as his boyfriend to his mother. What are your thoughts?
Charles No Barkley
Dear Charles No Barkley,
Appreciate you writing to me. This is going to be a quick response, because I think the issue here is simple. Since you claim to get along with most parents, I’m going to go out on a limb and say your boyfriend’s mom has a problem with your penis and not your personality. I understand your boyfriend said his mom is cool with his sexuality, but sometimes parents are accepting of one’s sexuality as long as they view homosexuality in the context of a passable faze. His mom may have thought he was just going through some things, and him being gay was not a permanent thing. Or maybe your boyfriend came out to his mama in the sense of telling his mom he was “bisexual,” which left the mom with hope he could one day get married to a woman as she envisioned. Either way, meeting you served as a wakeup call that her son’s homosexuality is very real and here to stay. So from that perspective, she wouldn’t have liked you or any other man her son introduced her to.
Now an alternative theory I’ll offer you is this, your boyfriend’s mom really was offended by something you unknowingly did. Perhaps you talked about your accomplishments too much at dinner, and it mistakenly came across as arrogance. Or maybe you all were talking about politics, and you said something that perhaps conflicted with her political views. Or maybe you laid on the charm too thick, and your personality came off a bit fake. I obviously wasn’t at the dinner, but I’m just trying to help you make sense of this. Make sure you go over in your mind what was said, but don’t stress out about it.
Suggestions going forward.
- Don’t take his mom not being your BFF personal. Like I said, I have a hunch this has more to do with your boyfriend’s mom and her feelings about her gay son.
- If you really are into your boyfriend, take his advice and allow his mom to warm up to you. But don’t force it, allow it to happen naturally.
- If your boyfriend doesn’t seem stressed about your relationship with his mother, then you need not be stressed about it either.
As always nothing but love,