I want to start dating this guy I met about 3 weeks ago, but I’m just a little nervous about doing it. Since we’ve been texting back and forth, I’ve really come to like him. But, I found out that he is bisexual. I know people claim to like both men and women, but I just haven’t bought into that idea. You either like men or you like women. You may be willing to sleep with both sexes, but you have a definitive preference for one or the other. So I guess my hesitation in dating this guy, is that he is still confused as to who he is. I’d rather not waste my time helping him to figure that out. Do you think I should date him or not?
Thanks for writing to me. And you better “rep your set” in the midst of this rap beef. (If we can really call what’s going on a beef.) Anyways, to answer your question. Strangely enough, I myself have just come to accept that some people actually are bisexual. There are people that have fluid sexualities that can’t be confined to a strictly gay or strictly straight box. It was hard for me to understand at first, because I usually operate in a mindset of black or white. Rarely do I like to see things in the infamous grey area. However, after a few years under my belt and interaction with individuals from different walks of life, I realized bisexuality is not a myth. It’s VERY real!
To your point however, I once used the term bisexual to describe my own sexuality, but deep down knew that to be a lie. I did so, because claiming bisexuality was easier to digest than coming to terms with the fact I’m a full blown homosexual. At least if I was bisexual, there was hope I would swing back to what I desperately wanted to be. A straight black man. Saying I liked both men and women helped me trick myself into thinking that I was going through a shakable phase. That I could one day “shake the gay off,” and attain the dream of a wife and kids. After some more soul searching and prayer, I came out of my state of confusion, and accepted who I am.
Look, if you like this guy, go on the date! No one knows what the future may hold. You could go on a date with this man, and realize he’s not the one for you, and it have nothing to do with the label he identifies as. Or, you could start dating this guy and find you and him really click. And you two become like Noah and Wade from Noah’s Arc. And in that case, the fluidity of his sexuality wouldn’t even matter. My point, don’t judge a book by its cover.
Going forward here are my suggestions.
- Again, if you like the man, don’t allow your preconceived notions of bisexuality to deter you from at least going on a date.
- Try to be a little more open-minded about the concept of men liking men and women. Those that claim to like both sexes aren’t necessarily confused. They just like what they like.
- Whether with this man or another, don’t be so quick to place someone in the “undatable category” of your life. I understand people have standards, but just like employers occasionally hire people that may not be the candidate they envisioned but turn out to be great employees. You could date someone that may not have all the qualifications of a person you wanted, but he turn out to be the best man for the job of Bae. It’s all about that “interview.”
As always nothing but love,