friendship

Drunken Nights

Dear T,

I don’t really have a question about dating or relationships, but I have a question nonetheless.  When me and my group of friends go out, one of them, who I’ll refer to as X, always gets to drunk.  I mean we could all be drinking, but usually without fail X will go too far.  When he gets drunk he starts talking very loudly and aggressively with us and strangers.  Plus, X gets super flirtatious.  Many times he has grabbed some guy’s a$$ or crotch. And often the grabbing is not wanted.  Needless to say, his behavior has caused my friends and me to be embarrassed and involved in several altercations.  We tried talking to X about his behavior, and he either doesn’t get that he is reckless drunk, or he doesn’t care.  What would you do in this situation?

From,

Ricky Minaj

Dear Ricky Minaj,

Thanks for writing to me, and I see what you did there with name LOL!  I hope you get to check out Nicki while she is on tour.  I heard her concert was pretty good.  Anyways, onto my advice for your question.  I think many of us have, or have had, a friend that just can’t control his/her liquor.  The friend always makes it his/her mission to drink more than everyone, as if that is a badge of honor.  And by the end of a night of drinking, that friend has gotten the crew into an argument or fight of some kind.  Or the friend has completely embarrassed everyone else.

If you are truly sick of your friend’s drunken antics, then stop enabling him!  Your friend X continues to get crazy drunk with you and your other friends, because you all let him.  He knows you all will have his back if something pops off with strangers.  He knows you all will care for him when he gets wasted.  And more importantly he knows that no matter what he does while drunk, you all will take him out with you when you go to the bar or club the next time.  Establish some boundaries.  Tell X he either slows down on the liquor intake when he goes out with you and your crew, or he just won’t be invited to go out with you all.  Plain and simple.

Now you and your other friends may want to try talking to X again about his drinking, before offering an ultimatum.  There honestly could be a serious reason as to why he feels the need to drink so much when you all go out.  I used to have a best friend who would drink excessively when we went out.  When we went to bars and clubs, I felt as if I was with the pre-baby Snooki from Jersey Shore.  Hanging out with him just became draining.  Well after one disastrous night of hanging out, my other friends and I had a real Kumbaya moment with him.  That’s when we discovered he had been going through some real heavy issues with his family.  For him, going out and drinking and acting a plum fool, was a way to escape his problems.  So you may want to ask your friend if everything is alright in his life.  And let him know your support is readily available to him, should he be going through some deep issues.

Going forward here are my suggestions.

  1. Again, stop enabling him. Establish those boundaries.  Explain to X his drunken antics are causing problems in the friendship.
  1. Record a video of him really drunk, and show the video to him sober. Hopefully that would be a wakeup call to him.
  1. If and when you have a Kumbaya like conversation with him, do your best to make sure he doesn’t feel attacked.

As always nothing but love,

T.

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