Dating, relationships

Living Single…And I Want to Stay that Way!

 Dear T,

I’m going to try and be brief about this. Unlike all of my friends, I’m not in a relationship nor do I desire to be in one.  I enjoy my independence, and like being able to be with whoever I want, no strings attached.  But my friends just can’t accept I don’t want an official boo. I did the relationship thing, and I don’t miss it. This all brings me to my question. Is not wanting a relationship normal, and okay?

Thanks in advance,

King Kunta11

Hello there King Kunta11,

Thanks for writing to me.  Plain and simple, it’s perfectly okay if you’re not ready for a relationship right now.  A good relationship requires two people who are willing to give of themselves.  Who are willing to fully expose themselves to their partner.  Who are willing to commit to one person.   Who are willing to put in the hard work.  (And relationships do take hard work.)  If you know you can’t exhibit these qualities right now, then I think you should remain single for the time being.

HOWEVER, there is a difference between not being ready for a relationship and not wanting a relationship.  Usually the people who claim not to want a relationship, really just aren’t ready for one due to bad past experiences.  They think about a former relationship, and remember how they were cheated on, how they were hurt, how they were always in arguments, and/or how they were almost always stressed out.  These people constantly recall all of the bad times in their former relationship, and shield themselves from such repeat experiences by rejecting the concept of formal romantic bonds.  And that is truly unfortunate.

I fully believe that everyone wants a bae, aka a companion.  It’s pure human nature to desire to be with someone that you can connect with on physical and mental level.  People want to have that one person they can cuddle up to and reveal their worst fears and saddest tears. (A little cheesy I know, but it’s true LOL!)  People love the idea of knowing they can build a life with someone they trust will have their back and hold them down.  You can’t tell me in your heart of hearts, you don’t want this. Heck Rihanna basically agreed with what I’m telling you in her hit “We All Want Love.”

Going forward here are my suggestions.

  1. If you’re not ready for a relationship right now, then you’re not ready. However, I advise you to think about what experiences you have gone through that make you so gun shy about entering into a new one.  Once you figure it all out, extend forgiveness if needed, bandage wounds if required, and move forward. By the way, you may have to analyze your relationship with your parents to get some answers.
  1. Don’t be so “anti-relationships.” The time is going to come, if it hasn’t already, when you come across a good guy that will potentially be a great love of your life. If you don’t allow yourself to ever love and commit, you will undoubtedly run into the regret of knowing you cheated yourself of something wonderful.
  1. Don’t allow your friends to pressure you into jumping into a relationship with any and everybody. Respectfully tell them your love life will develop when and how it’s supposed to.
  1. While you are out here “enjoying your independence,” at least be safe and wrap it up.

As always nothing but love,

T.

P.S. Here is the Rihanna song I mentioned if you haven’t heard of it already.

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2 thoughts on “Living Single…And I Want to Stay that Way!”

  1. onlyfragments says:

    Actually, “King Kunta11” could be aromantic. A lot of aromantic people (though not all) are not interested in forming romantic relationships at all. They’re happy with friends and family, etc, but don’t want a relationship focused on romantic attraction. It’s perfectly natural, and a lot of aromantic people are perfectly happy being single.

    1. According To T says:

      That is true. However, given aromantics reportedly make up less than 1% of the global population, I’m not sure that’s the case here. Based on what King Kunta11 wrote, it sounds more like he may issues with commitment. However, that just my take on it.

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