I Know You’re My Trainer, But Are You Single?

Hey T,

I’m hitting you up because I could use some advice.  Everything is going well in my life right now, and I’d like to top things off with a good relationship.  Every man wants someone to share his life with.  You know?  It’s been a few years since I’ve been in one, and now I think I’m ready.  And even though I’m really picky about who I date, I think I may have found my future babe.  The only thing is, I’m not sure if they look at me like that. See the person is my trainer I’ve been working with for the past few weeks.  They’re mad cool, and have many of the traits I look for in a partner.  But again, I just don’t know how they feel or if they even look at me as more than a client.  Plus, since the person is my trainer, I don’t want to ruin what we have professionally.  What do you think I should do here?


Addicted to Nike

Dear Addicted to Nike,

So I’ll try to keep this brief, but I want to make sure I give you some solid advice.  I think it’s best to answer your question by giving you a checklist of sorts.  Then if you have further questions about the checklist, I’ll  explain.  And I don’t mean to assume anything so forgive me, but for the purpose of my reply I will assume the trainer is a man.

  1. First and foremost, you need to be certain you two play for the same team. So without being overly pushy or nosey, attempt to figure out if your trainer even likes men.
  1. If you two play for the same team, then you want to make sure the trainer is single. I never advise anyone to break up a home, happy or not, because stuff like that comes back around on you.  (In a lot of scenarios, the side chick becomes main chick, then becomes the single chick LOL!)
  1. Once you know the trainer plays on your team and is single, look for signs the trainer may be flirting with you. Do you two talk or text about stuff that has nothing to do with training often?  Do you two talk on a daily basis?  Do you two communicate during booty call hours (anytime after 11:00 pm)?  And heck since it’s your personal trainer, have you noticed any extra or unnecessary touching?  Are you two friends on social media?  If so, is the person giving you more likes than the usual person on photos and things? If you answer yes to questions like these would lead me to suspect there is some flirting going on.
  1. Now if you still aren’t able to tell if there is something between you and trainer after answering questions like the ones I mentioned, you can try my group outing trick. If you or trainer enjoy the occasional drink, invite him out with at least two of your COOL, CALM, and RELIABLE friends to the bar.  While in the group setting, drink and have good time and relax.  See what he is like in a laid back atmosphere and how she/he interacts with you.  Then at some point during the night, find a way for you and trainer to be one on one briefly, and pay attention to his liquored up conversation, and determine if his flirtiness gets extra heavy.  If he enjoyed themselves with you (even amongst your friends) and is feeling you, at some point shortly after the bar outing he will give you hints or say outright you two only should chill again soon.  If you get clear vibes that the trainer isn’t feeling you like that, then the trainer just went out with you and your friends in group setting, no big deal!  Keep professional relationship intact, and keep it moving.
  1. The tricky part about all of this, is you have to be prepared for the dynamics of your professional relationship to change if you two wind up hooking up or whatever. If you two date, and things unfortunately go south, then you have to ask yourself if you’re prepared to find another trainer?  Considering there are thousands of trainers nationwide, if you think you and this person could really have something, you may want to take the risk.  No matter what anyone tells you, only you know for sure if trying to pursue your trainer is worth the risk.  (Oh yeah, I don’t believe it’s healthy to be around an ex constantly after a breakup, hence my attitude about leaving your trainer if worst case scenario happens).
  1. Oh, and please don’t confuse flirting flirting, with business flirting. If you peep your trainer being flirty with other clients, that’s business flirting, and the person does it to maintain a client list.  Or the person could be trying to get some from you and other clients. LOL!

As always nothing but love,


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3 thoughts on “I Know You’re My Trainer, But Are You Single?”

  1. Addicted to Nike says:

    Well the guy and I aren’t friends on social media, and don’t talk a ton about anything that’s not about training. So how do I figure if he’s flirting or gay?

    1. According To T says:

      In the weeks you’ve known him, has he talked about having or wanting to have sex with women? Straight men always talk about their sexual endeavors or desires. Even in the most professional environments, the topic comes up. Unless he is married or has a girlfriend, a straight man will talk about it. But then again, straight men with boos usually make reference about them at some point. Oh and if a straight guy is abstinent, he is exempt from this unofficial rule as well. LOL! Unfortunately, without more information about him personally, I can’t really advise you on too much more about gauging if he is gay. HOWEVER, refer to points 3 and 4 in checklist again.

      By the way, I find it a little interesting that it sounds like all you two talk about is business mostly. If after several weeks of knowing one another, and you two haven’t had more personal conversations, it may be the trainer enjoys to keep his professional relationships professional. It wouldn’t matter if he is gay or not.

  2. DD says:

    It would be beyond hot to hook up with my trainer

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