Truthfully, I used to be somewhat of a hoe. There were times in the past all a dude had to do was be fine, flash his smile, and grab his junk, and I would be bent right over. Heck, I didn’t even know the last name of some of these guys. But now, I just want more out of life. I want a relationship and want to be someone’s bae. I’ve been told in order to get that, I’ve got to close my hole for business for a while. So I’m going to try and abstain from having sex for a little bit, but it’s like telling someone that eats meat every day to become an instant vegetarian. Do you have any suggestions? Do I really have to abstain?
Young & Meatless
Dear Young & Meatless,
Thanks for writing to me. You know that saying “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife”? Well I hate to break it to you, but there is some truth in that old mantra. For a lot of guys, it’s hard for them to commit to someone that so readily gives up the goods. Most men like to chase the prize a little bit. And most men would like to think the prize they are getting is somewhat exclusive. That only a few men before them, if any, were able to obtain it. So practicing a little more selectivity with sharing your box will definitely help in landing a mate. LOL!
In addition, having sex with a guy before you two have gotten the opportunity to know one another, more often than not leads to false and short lived satisfaction. Think of it like this. Parents of young kids are routinely telling their little ones they are not allowed to have dessert until they eat their dinner. The kids will beg and plead to have a piece of the freshly iced cake sitting on the kitchen counter, but their parents still say no. Their parents tell them they can’t have the dessert first, because they will ruin their appetite. They will get full before they’ve had the chance to eat the meal that provides all the nutrients, and be prepared to leave the dinner table early. The parents want the children not to just get full from the guilty pleasure, but to get nourished by the meal. Understand what I’m trying to say here?
Going forward here are my suggestions.
- Try to refrain from having sex until you are able to establish a genuine connection with a man first. Let the single world know that you are more than a hole to fill. You’re a future bae!
- If you are having a hard time giving up sex, you may want to really ask yourself why that is. While I’m not calling you a sex addict by any means, know that addiction to sex is a very real thing. And there is nothing wrong with admitting you have a problem, and seeking some help.
- I’ve never been the kind of guy to tell someone to wait 90 days. However, I would definitely encourage someone to wait on giving up the goods until he or she falls in love. And make sure you know the difference between love and lust. I get the line between the two “L words” can often seem blurred, but usually in your heart of hearts, you know the difference.
As always nothing but love,
P.S. I had to use your tag name for the title of this one LOL! It’s a great one.