Dating Outside of Your Race is OK People!!!!!

Dear T,

I’m on the fence about dating this guy I met, and I’m hoping you can help me out a bit.  He seems like a good guy. He has a great job, is very funny, his smile is sexy, and surprisingly he has an amazing ass. However, he’s white and I’m black. And please don’t think I’m a racist or something. It’s just that when I envisioned my boo, it was a man of color. I can’t imagine bringing a white man around my friends, or taking one home to meet my mom. Plus, we come from different cultures. I’m not sure if I’m talking myself out of something that I don’t need to or what. That’s where your advice comes in. Thanks in advance for help.



Dear GuessWho,

I’m glad you wrote to me about this topic.  Crossing racial and cultural lines when dating can still be an awkward thing for a lot of people.  Although for some individuals crossing such lines is taboo because of hatred and discriminatory ways within their own heart, I think for you it’s about a comfort level.  I think you like dating men of color, because on some level you think these men will be better able to understand you, and you will automatically share some things in common.  Which is not necessarily.  Plus, it sounds like you fear the dirty looks you may get for stepping outside of your race to find a man.  Take those preconceived notions and fears, and throw them to the wind so to speak.

Too many people set up too many boundaries when dating.  They don’t allow themselves to date anyone that’s too old, or too young, or too poor, or that’s not black, or that’s not education enough, and the list goes on.  All those restrictions limit their dating pool to about 20 guys in a 50 mile radius LOL! The kicker is when these people complain how there are no good guys anymore.

Look, the fun thing about dating is you get to prove yourself wrong.  The things you thought you liked and thought you wanted, you get to put those notions to the test.  Think of dating like going to Dairy Queen.  You go to Dairy Queen knowing you love the chocolate ice cream.  All you get is chocolate.  All you know is chocolate.  Chocolate is what satisfies you.  However, because you haven’t tried vanilla, butter pecan, or orange sorbet, you don’t know what kind of satisfaction those other flavors can bring.  Heck, if you sampled something else, you may find something comparable to chocolate.  So as the old saying goes, don’t knock it to you try it!

Going forward here are my suggestions.

  1. Go on a date with this man. It sounds like he may be a good catch.  And if he is a good catch, I’m sure there are plenty of guys that see past color lines and ready to make a play for him.  So I suggest you hurry up before it’s too late.
  1. Remember that dating is just dating. Because you go on a date or two with this guy doesn’t mean you two will become an instant relationship.  You two may not even make it to the point where you will have to introduce him to your friends or mom.  At least if you go out with him, you can say you’ve broaden your “dating perspective” even if things don’t work out between you both.  You may come to realize that dating men of color isn’t a must for you.
  1. If you go out with this guy and you find something special with him, don’t allow your discomfort with his race prevent you from building a potentially great relationship.
  1. While your friends and family may give you their input about your dating life, they should never have the final say about who you do and don’t date. That’s a decision they shouldn’t have the liberty to make for you, a grown man. (I’m assuming you’re at least 18.)

As always nothing but love,


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2 thoughts on “Dating Outside of Your Race is OK People!!!!!”

  1. Guess Who says:

    I hear you. But I hope this guy knows he is carrying the weight on an entire race on his shoulders. LOL! Good or bad he is making an impression for white men.

    1. According To T says:

      Well make sure you are fair. I’m sure you’ve been on bad dates with black guys and don’t rule out the race. LOL

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