Should I want to know my boyfriend’s past sexual history? I hadn’t really thought about asking him until my friends and I were talking one day, and they all said they would want to know what their boo had done before they met them. What do you think?
Dear Jonathan Doe,
Thanks for writing to me. Asking a mate about his “CARFAX” or body count is a bold, and sometimes dangerous move. You would basically be asking your boyfriend to tell you who has had the privilege of getting in his box, whose box he has had the privilege of getting in, and where his mouth has landed. Knowing all that information may actually cause more harm to your relationship than anything else.
A lot of times, when couples start talking about how many people they’ve each been with, and what they’ve done sexually with other people, one or both partners grow a bit insecure. They either feel like their partner was a “hoe” or something before them; or, the mates suddenly feel like they have something to prove. As if they have to prove to their boyfriend their sex is the best they will ever have! With both scenarios, I think tension will inevitably form.
I personally rather not know all of my boyfriend’s sexual activities before me. As long as I know he’s been careful and continuously tested, I’m good. I look at it like this. All the men that he’s been with just prepared him to be the man I ended up with in the end.
Let me just add, if you poke around in his past, he may poke around in yours. Now I don’t know you, but are you sure you want him digging. What will he find out that makes him a bit insecure?
Going forward here are my suggestions.
- This is one of those times you don’t want to listen to your friends. If your curiosity wasn’t peaked before your discussion with your friends, don’t allow it to be now.
- The only things you want to know about in terms of your boyfriend’s past, is was he married? Does he have kids? And has he dated one of your family members or friends? Other than these things, all prior dating history, especially sexual history, should remain a thing of the past and mystery to you.
- Be confident in your relationship, and always believe you’re the best sex your boyfriend has ever had. Polk your chest out knowing you are the best partner he has experienced as well.
As always nothing but love,