Lately I’ve been thinking about the next step in my relationship. My boyfriend and I recently celebrated our one year anniversary, and my friends have been joking with me about when I plan to propose? However, I just don’t know if I’m ready for marriage. I guess I want advice about when should I take that big step?
Dear Truly Anonymous,
I’m glad you wrote to me on this topic. For whatever reason, I sometimes feel same-gender-loving couples age and grow in warp speed like dog years. It’s like if a gay couple has been in a relationship for over 3 months, the relationship is celebrated as if it’s been 3 years. To this day, I just don’t understand why this is the case. Whether a heterosexual relationship or a homosexual one, there is nothing wrong with people taking their time to get to know one another. What’s the rush?!
Sorry about the small tangent, but I felt the need to put that out there. Now in terms of what you wrote, the fact you are even asking how to know when you should propose means you’re not ready, and that’s okay. You and your boyfriend have only been together for a year. While I’m sure you two have gotten to learn a lot about each other, I’m certain there is so much more you would want to learn about your boyfriend before you pop the question. And I suggest waiting to see if you and your partner can make it through the infamous two year hump. The second year of a relationship for a lot of couples can be challenging. Some couples face issues of intimacy, problems with communication, as well as other things. Determine how you two deal with such matters before marrying.
Going forward I have my usual suggestions.
- Never let your friends pressure you into a commitment you aren’t ready to make. No matter how good their intentions may be, if you aren’t ready you aren’t ready. If I were you, when my friends bring up the topic I would laugh it off, and redirect the conversation. I would talk about their relationship or perhaps some current event. If that didn’t work, I’d tell them straight up, when I am ready to propose they’ll be the first to know. Now what else is going on (No Cynthia Bailey)
- Take your time. Again, what’s the rush? Especially, if your boyfriend hasn’t placed any emphasis on you two to become fiancés.
- Although the element of surprise is sweet when it comes to proposals, a person really should talk about the idea of marriage with his partner first. If it were me, I would want to gauge whether my partner even wanted to get married. And I would want to know what his idea of a good marriage is.
- Since I am Christian, I would have to pray before taking such a huge step. If you are a believer, I recommend you do the same.
As always, nothing but love.