relationships

I’m NOT Cheating! My Boyfriend’s Insecurities Are Driving Me Crazy

Tavion,

I can’t deal with my new boyfriend’s insecurities. We officially got into a relationship about a month ago, and ever since then something flipped with him. At first it started with him jokingly talking about guys commenting on my posts or tweets, and me liking the comments. He would hit me with one of those “oh you getting all the hoes still” and laugh, so I would shrug my shoulders and laugh it off. Then he progressively would mention the commenting without laughing, and legit arguments would pop off. To help ease the tension I became a little more careful about the kind of things I would post or tweet, but still tried to be me.

It’s not just that social media thing anymore though. He gets jealous if we’re out and I stop to talk to any guy. Whether they are a friend, work colleague, or whatever, he wants to get all up under me all of a sudden and practically demands an introduction. Then there’s the fact that he hates when I go out with my friends without him. The part that really has me ready to throw the whole relationship away is we got into an argument a few days ago about why I won’t give him passwords to my IG and twitter accounts, and to unlock my phone. I stood my ground and told him no, and he kind of dropped it, but the whole convo just left me feeling salty.

To be clear, outside of the insecurity issues, I love my boyfriend. He really is a great guy, and I know he’s acting like this because his two boyfriends before me cheated on him apparently. But I can’t do much more of this. What should I do?

From,

BF Problems

Dating

I Want Love But I’m Tired of Chasing Men

Tavion,

I really appreciate your site and the advice you give. The community needs your advice, and I need your advice right now. My issue has to deal with chasing. I’m single and honestly I’m tired of chasing guys. It’s the same thing too. I meet a guy on a dating app or social media, show him some interest, he appears to return the interest, and then I spend like a month chasing him for me not to end up in a relationship. The shit is getting old.

Do you know how frustrating it is to think you’re talking to a guy trying to build something only for nothing to happen? I mean some of the guys I chase, I don’t even get to the point where we go on a dates. And while being single has its advantages, I’m trying to get boo’d the hell up. I know you have to pursue what you want in life, but I want to be pursued. I want people to call me, or hit me with a good morning and good night text. What advice do you have for me so I can date different in 2019?

From,

Tryna Glow Up

Dating, relationships

We Had Sex on the First Date, But Now He’s Claiming “Celibacy”?

T,

First off, Happy New Year to you. Man I hope it’s a good one. The question I have for you is about this guy I’ve been talking to that I met on Twitter. About two days before Christmas we finally went on our first date. The date was great and ended us having great sex, or at least I thought. We went out again recently, and he tells me that he doesn’t want to have sex anymore until we get to know each other better. I was thrown so when I asked him if there was a problem, he said he just didn’t want us to start something that was just about sex. I get that, but we’ve already had sex. I don’t see the problem. It’s not like I don’t want to build something with him too. I just feel some type of way I guess. It’s not like I’m going to beg him for sex, but I do want to have it and have no idea when he’ll be ready again. I’ve never had complaints about my performance, EVER, but now I’m thinking he didn’t like it or something. Feel a little paranoid about that. What are your thoughts?

-RJ094

Pop Culture

Dreams and Fulfillment: Putting Action Behind Your 2019 Resolutions

Making New Year’s Resolutions is nothing new. As a matter of fact, historians have said the Babylonians were the first to make New Year’s Resolutions roughly 4,000 years ago. Which means, for centuries upon centuries, people have used the top of the year to promise themselves better health, better wealth ,and a certain glow up they’ve yet to attain before. While I’m not sure what happened back in the days of the Babylonians, I know in this day and age, commitment to keeping resolutions has become somewhat of a running joke.

Think about it. How many people do you know that have been working on their “summer body” for about four summers? (No shade intended, because I too have been working on my summer body since 2016 myself LOL). And how many folks can you name right now that have been committed to leveling-up in their career yet have made no efforts to move out of their current job? I won’t even touch on the unfulfilled travel goals people make yet make no efforts to save money for said goals. (Again, no shade intended, but I too can relate.)

Dating

Why You Should Leave Someone’s Romantic Past in the Past

Hey folks,

I just want to drop a little advice that I hope helps somebody in the pursuit of love.  While this advice may not be that revolutionary in context, it’s still important nonetheless. Let it serve as a reminder to those who are single and searching. So without further delay, the advice I have for you all today is this. Someone’s past is someone’s past, and you shouldn’t let that prevent you from finding “Bae”.

Dating

They May Be Friends and I’m Dating Them Both. What Do I Do?

Hey T,


Let’s hope you can help me with my personal life because it’s a mess. It could be worse, but it’s definitely not great. About 6 months ago I got out of a year long relationship, and just started putting myself back out there in September. Since I’ve been trying to date I’ve been talking to guys on Instagram and Tindr, and I do just mean talking. Speeding this story up a bit, I met two guys on Instagram who I really like. They both look good, are smart, and have their shit together. I’ve been on dates with both of them, but haven’t had sex with either of them. Although, I will admit I’ve exchanged a few nudes with the two.


The problem comes in, because I recently found out the two guys know each other. I saw them laughing together in an insta story at some kind of house party. I’m feeling a little creepy or anxious because I never wanted to be the guy dating two friends, and now I don’t know what to do. Do I end things with one guy before they find out I’ve been dating them both? Am I obligated to tell either of them I’m seeing the other? Can I just keep quiet about what I know and continue to date them both until it’s clear which guy I want to be with? What do I do here? Again, I’ve never been in this position. Or at least that I know of. Your advice is appreciated.


From,
Henny and Ice

Dating

I Want Him in My Future, But I Can’t Stop Dating His Past

Tavion,

Just going to put this out there first, I love your site. I think it’s real dope that you dedicate your time to help the gay community, good looking out. Okay so with the nice stuff out the way, here’s the problem. I started talking to this guy that I thought could be boyfriend material. It’s only been about two weeks, but I could tell we had a vibe going on. Then I made two mistakes. I told my friend about him and I followed him on Instagram.

When I told my friend about the guy and showed him the dude’s picture, the first thing my friend said was literally “oh him.” When I asked what that meant, my friend said he knew the guy had talked to two people he knew. That news by itself didn’t make my warning lights go off. However, when I followed him on Instagram and looked through his comments, he always has guys flirting with him in his comments. I just don’t like dating popular folks. I don’t want to be one guy in a sea of others guys chasing one man. That’s not me. My friend told me to chill and date the man if I like him, but now I’m insecure about the whole thing. Do you think I’m trippin?

-Freefall 93

relationships

I Love My Boyfriend, But I Can’t Get Any Sleep at Night

T,

I have a question for you. It may seem stupid compared to some of the questions you answer, but I’d appreciate your honesty. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and everything is cool except this one thing. When I spend the night at his place or he spends the night at mine, I can’t ever get any sleep. EVER! He always tries cuddling up with me and sleeping right on top of me. I just can’t sleep with a person on me all night. For the past few weeks, I’ve been coming up with excuses as to why he shouldn’t sleep over or why I can’t sleep at his spot. I know I probably should say something to him about the discomfort, but when I’ve mentioned the issue in the past with my ex, my ex and I got into a dumb argument. I don’t want that to happen. So yeah, your thoughts.

-No More Sleepless Nights

Dating

We’re Only Dating, Do I Have to Invite Him to Thanksgiving Dinner?

Hey T,

I hope this letter gets to you quickly because I kind of need an answer ASAP. The thing is I’ve been dating this guy for a little over two months. Everything is cool between us, but I wouldn’t say we were in a relationship just yet. Not that I don’t want to be, we just haven’t had that talk yet. Okay so the point. He asked me what I was doing this Thanksgiving and I told him my family was coming to town for dinner. When I asked him about his plans, he said he didn’t really have any. His family is on the west coast, and the people he considers his friends are all going out of town. I feel bad for him because it basically sounds like he is going to be spending Thanksgiving alone.

Now he hasn’t outright asked to come to Thanksgiving with me and my family, but I feel like he has dropped a few hints like he wants me to ask. The problem is, I’m not comfortable with inviting him. My family knows I’m gay, but have never met one of my boyfriend’s, or anyone I’ve dated, and I don’t want to start that tradition now. I’d rather wait until I’m with someone I know for sure is going to be the one. The question I have, is how do I not invite this guy to dinner without feeling like a jerk? Again, I like this guy and want to see where things between us go and don’t want to offend him.

Thank you,

Holiday Bluezzz

relationships

My Boyfriend Wants to Have a Threesome, But I’m not Sure I’m Ready

What do you do when your boyfriend wants to start having a threesome but you aren’t ready? Straight and to the point, my boyfriend and I have been together for about two years and for about a month now he has been hinting at spicing up our sex life. I tried putting on sexy underwear and we tried toys, but he still thinks we lack excitement. I don’t completely disagree, but it seems like he feels more strongly about it than I do. So when I asked what else he wants to try, he asked how I would feel about inviting someone in sexually every once and a while. I’m not really feeling the idea, because I’m pretty sure I’d get super jealous. Then there’s the fact,  I keep thinking once we open this door, it will lead to cheating, and I don’t have time. I appreciate your thoughts on this, because my friends were kind of split on their advice.

-The Jealous One