Dating, relationships

He Says He’s Divorcing His Wife but He Puts Her First

Tavion,

Should I leave this married man alone? Before I’m judged, let me say this is not a situation where I’m having a real life affair or anything. The guy I’m seeing is technically still married, but he’s in the middle of divorcing his wife. He filed for divorce about 7 months ago. Him and his wife are just waiting on their house to sell so they can finalize things. Now I’ve been dating this man going on 2 months, and things have been real cool for the most part. I can see us becoming an official couple. However, for the past week and a half I’ve been noticing he’s been talking to his ex-wife more and doing things for her.

Right now she still lives in the house they’re selling, and something was going on with the water heater. Instead of calling a plumber, she called my man over to come fix it. Keep in mind that he is nobody’s plumber. Then he pushed back a date with me so can help his ex-wife’s parents clean out their basement, because the ex-wife will be moving into it temporarily with their four year old daughter (yeah this man has a kid). I get that he and his ex will always have a bond because of their daughter, but I don’t want to get more serious with this man if I’m going to be on the bottom of his list of priorities. Or if he will run back to her. Kid can go before me, but an ex and her parents, absolutely not.

Thoughts?

-Ms. Won’t Settle

Dating, friendship

He’s My Coworker’s Ex… Does that Mean He’s Off Limits?

Hey T,

Love the site. Your advice hits a whole different kind of way. Hoping I can get some of that good advice. See I’ve been seeing this man I really like for a month now. It hasn’t been that long but to say he’s got me thirsty is an understatement. The problem is I found out 2 days ago that he’s the ex of a new friend of mine. Well maybe friend is too strong of a word, let’s say coworker I’m cool with and we’ve been to happy hour once or twice in 3 months. Now my best friend said I owe this coworker at least a heads up if I’m not going to ask permission, but I don’t even want to give him that. I mean I only found out this guy was my coworker’s ex through a story the guy told and I put two and two together and asked this guy if he was talking about my coworker.

What do you think? Do I owe my coworker anything?

-Mr. Rome Dolla

Dating, relationships

I Want to Marry My Boyfriend but My Family Doesn’t Like Him

So T,

I’m having a hard time trying to decide on what to do about my boyfriend, well hopeful fiancé. We’ve been together for about two and a half years now, and I’m ready to make him mine. I mean we already live together and have a dog, but I’m ready to take that next step. I’m pretty sure he’s ready too. The only problem is my family isn’t supportive of us getting married.

It’s not that my family doesn’t support gay marriage, they just don’t like my boyfriend. In fact they can’t stand him. My mom and sister especially think he doesn’t pay for anything, and will hurt me again. He cheated on me a year ago once, but after time and a little counseling, we got back together. I’ve forgiven him, but my family is still salty about it.

Anyway, I’m grown and can do what I want, but I want my family to be okay with this engagement and eventual marriage. I just don’t know how to make this work. Any ideas?

-RJ Sims 92

Dating

This Man Is Calling Me Names during Sex and I Hate It

Tavion,

This man I’m seeing is amazing. He looks good, smells good, is smart, funny, and fine. I mean fine. Since he has all this going on and I’m so damn attracted to him, I thought when we had sex it would be some of the best I ever had. Unfortunately, when we had sex a couple of nights ago I was turned off by his mouth. It was filthy, and not in the good way.

I’m not sure who he’s had sex with in the past, but I don’t like being called out my name. He literally called me foul names during sex. He called me things like “my filthy slut” and “daddy’s b$tch boy.” I promise I wanted to punch him when he said it, but I just let it slide because I do like him. I’m supposed to go on a date with him in a few days when he gets back from visiting his family, and if we have sex again, I can’t have him talking to me like that. One of my best friends told me just to suck it up and let him say what he’s going to say so I don’t make sex boring for this guy. My friend things if I don’t put up with the names, some other man will. But I don’t want to feel disrespected. What would you do?

-Say My Name

Dating

I Really Like Him but I’m Not Sure I’m Ready for a Relationship

I love your honest raw well written post. Thank you. I am seeing a widower. It is very new and completely uncharted waters for both parties. This month is a year anniversary of her passing. I have stepped back and provided more space than ever, as I would want. She had been very ill and he very care-giving for several years prior. I am giving him space, boundaries (which I highly believe in anyway and have often called out men in past regarding lack of), and baby steps. Frankly I am not ready to be hurt nor to jump into anything. My ex bf I left years ago but he passed suddenly and too young just this past January. So essentially, it seems right.

I am not allowing intimacy and he is not pushing it, he is very respectful, yet I totally feel the intense connection and possibilities but I do have fear. More than any relationship – I have ever been concerned about. Why? Because I adore this man. I feel him. His intensity, the future possibilities. I have went thru relationships in the past and I was not fully vested, I know it and it was not fair to the partner. I was never mean or rude but still I knew it my heart, deep down, they were not the one. This one seems legitimately wonderful on so many levels and none have to do with him losing his wife in the manner he did. I am torn, very torn. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks so much.

-Josie

Dating, relationships

I Don’t Want to Meet My Boyfriend’s Parents… They’re Republican

T,

My boyfriend just doesn’t understand why I don’t want to meet his parents.  My boyfriend is white and grew up in a small town in Arkansas, and his mom and dad are republicans. Given all that’s going on and given he’s my first white boyfriend, I don’t want to meet his parents at this time. I get those are his parents and I’ll probably have to meet them, but I’m not there yet. We’ve been together for 6 months. I guess my question here is would you suck it up and meet the parents now? I mean my boyfriend is really riding my ass about this and not in a good way.

-Mr. Dark Knight 93

P.S. My boyfriend is definitely not a republican

relationships

My Boyfriend Is Upset because He Wants Marriage and I Don’t

Hi Tavion,

I’m running into a problem with my boyfriend. We aren’t having cheating problems or anything, but he wants marriage and I’m not sure that I do. He and I have been together for four years and I love him so much, but he keeps talking about how he wants to get married. I usually either dodge the topic of conversation when he brings it up, or say stuff like maybe one day.

A few nights we got into an argument because he asked me straight up if I envisioned us getting married or engaged in the next year, and I finally told him straight up I don’t know if marriage is for me. He wasn’t feeling that answer, because he said if we aren’t working toward marriage, then what are we doing? I’m committed to him and all, but I just don’t know if I want to marry him or anybody. Also, I don’t think it’s fair to be pressured into marriage just because my boyfriend wants it.

I’m not sure what to do here. Really don’t want my boyfriend to leave me over this. Your advice is appreciated.

-Not Ready for Marriage

Dating, friendship

It’s It Wrong that I Subscribed to My Friend’s OnlyFans?

Hey T.

Love your advice, been a fan for a while. There’s a friend that I have that I’m insanely attracted to. He knows that I’m attracted to him but I’ve never “tried” him because he’s not interested. He says that we’re like family and he’s not feeling me like that. I don’t see us like that.

Well…recently he created an online platform for adult entertainment (onlyfans, jutforfans, etc). I’m a subscriber to his platform. I haven’t told him this. I also have been making suggestions for different content he should produce anonymously as a patron on the website. At first I was cool with this but now I think I might be treading on boundaries. Am I wrong for this? Thanks for the advice

Might Be Grimy

Tavion Scott the Author

The Season Finale of Majoring in Me the Podcast

We’ve made it folks. We’ve made it to the end of season one. This has been an incredible experience writing, recording, and producing each episode. To the voice actors that dedicated their time and talent, I appreciate you more than you know. To the incredible audio editor I worked with, let me just say, you were very helpful throughout this entire process. And to fans of the show, my gratitude for you runs deep.

relationships

How Do I Get Over My Husband Cheating on Me?

Hi T,

I just found your website when I’m looking for an answer on forgiveness for my husband. Me and my husband are in a long-distance relationship for more than a year. I’m working in Vietnam right now due to my job requirement. If the corona virus didn’t come, we would see each other in March already.

Since the pandemic exploded, Vietnam has locked down the international airport.  And that is how my marriage is falling apart. My husband recently has a new lesbian friend. At first, I learned that she had problems with her girlfriend, so my husband hung out with her and give her advice. I only knew about her through my husband words, never really seen her face. But this July,  I found her Facebook when I was surfing it…and what happened next ruined my soul completely.

I found her profile’s pics taken with my husband…with status says how much she loves him. Here, you might think that my husband lied about her sexuality, but the truth is she did have a girlfriend, I just can’t be sure if they are still together or not. That day, I felt like I was broken into pieces. I called my husband in the middle of the night, I asked him but he said she just did that to gain her girlfriend’s attention. Like an instinct, I kept asking him if they had sex. He kept saying why do I have to know things that would hurt me. But I said I would leave him if he didn’t tell me the truth and let me find out by myself. He then confessed that they did have sex.

My husband is the only man that I’ve ever loved in my life. I met him when I was 23, he is my first and last (I believed so). I have loved him more and more every single day. I dreamed of us soon having babies. When I knew about the affair. Everything seemed to collapse in front of me. To be honest, I was hurt so badly, the pain is stilling killing every piece of me every single day…but, my husband cried. He told me that at first they was drunk but then, he was just so lonely and they were just friends with benefits.

He said he loves me and he would kill himself if I left him and that I’m his everything. He said people make mistake and he can’t explain why he did what he did, but he never stops loving me. He didn’t want me to find out about the affair that way. He already ended that “fling” a while ago because he couldn’t take the guilty feelings every time he looked at me. That fling just last for 2 months with a few times sex. When I found out, he told that girl to take all the pictures down because that was not their deal and those pics should just be sent to her girlfriend only.

When I wrote this letter to you, I already told my husband that I forgave him. This is all because even when I’m in pain, I rather let myself suffer it alone than keep haunting him for what already done. I love my husband more than the pain that he caused, that’s why I chose to let things go. But what my husband didn’t know is that I still have nightmare every single night and I can’t stop myself from imagining the way he kissed her and the way they had sex. Can you tell me what do I have to do to get over the pain and to get rid of those imaginations? I don’t want my husband to keep punishing himself, I comfort him but I can’t stop myself from being haunted by what he did.

-Amelia